Back to my Roots: Celebrating Filipino-American History Month and Five Years of xoxokaels

Over the past five years, I’ve used October as a month for self-reflection, specifically surrounding identity, as I celebrate xoxokaels’s birthday and Filipino-American History Month - two of my biggest personalities!

I started this blog in college to shed light on important topics that I was researching surrounding childhood, the education system, and social justice reform. My child studies degree sparked my newfound interest in research and writing, and I wanted to share that with others.

Though it’s taken a slight detour, diving more into lifestyle, I still hold my values close to heart: being vocal about social justice issues, especially surrounding Palestine, Sudan, and the Congo. #FreePalestine #FreeSudan #FreeCongo

Who she was five years ago

this is who she was! just a girl with her massive lashes and a dream

While I have a small feeling of embarrassment at who I was five years ago, I never want to speak negatively about her; she is a huge part of who I am today. She may look and act different, but her core values have always remained the same. She is the root of who I am, and I never want to forget her, no matter how hard I try.

At the time, she thought she had it all figured out, but adulthood still remained at bay, with school and relationships at the center of her life. With life surrounding college, it seemed so large, but she had no idea what she had in store for her future. She was still discovering herself; she was so young (21!) with a lot more life to live and a lot to learn.

If my past self saw where she was today, she’d be proud, but she’d also relish in the fact that she knew this is exactly where she’d end up.

Those are the roots of xoxokaels, and I cannot discuss roots without diving into culture.

How her roots shape her today

Being Filipino-American is the essence of who I am and is a big factor in creating connections. I grew up feeling close to my culture, eating Filipino dishes and being surrounded by family. Those are my roots and it’s what keeps me grounded. I also grew up during the swagapino era, which was a huge moment for Filipino-American culture.

Read more about what being Filipino-American means to me here.

Reflecting back on these past five years, I want to embody the parts of my twenty-one year old self that I may have strayed away from. She was fierce, fearless, and loud. She took up space and wasn’t afraid to be herself. She truly didn’t care about what others thought about her. She was very carefree.

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost that edginess to myself. As a woman, I want to take up space; I want to be fearless and carefree. I don’t want to confine myself to a box, allowing social expectations to take over; I also don’t want the fear of social perception to cloud my better judgement of being myself.

Back to my roots

I want to celebrate five years of xoxokaels with all of my roots in mind, which is why I decided to make my theme for this month “back to my roots”, carrying into this upcoming year.

With this year’s photoshoot, I wanted to push the boundaries of my own style and fashion, specifically with my love of streetwear. My twenty-one year old self loved her sneakers, so I wanted to put my styling to the test. This task was challenging and I still ended up in heels; truthfully, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t in heels. I like to describe my style as “streetwear chic” which is an accurate blend of my twenty-one year old self and my present self.

“Back to my roots” is my way of lending a hand to my twenty-one year old self; being that bridge between her and who I am now, paying homage to her.

jacket from Abakada

A special thanks to you, the reader

Throughout these past five years, I cannot help but be appreciative of you. Whether you’ve been here from the beginning or have recently dove in, I am grateful for the support and your willingness to read about my experiences. I hope that my experiences resonate with you; I hope that we’ve connected in one way or another.

Here’s to staying true to our roots and never forgetting where we come from.

mahals,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3

(mahals: our abbreviation for “mahal kita” translating to “i love you” in Tagalog)