Episode 1: When you give a man a chance

No Sex in My City - Episode 1

One of my favorite activities is getting ready and going out, so I at least had that to hold me down while I got ready to go on my first date in almost three years.

If you thought I was getting ready without a drink in my hand, think again. There was no way I was not going to pregame this event.

Where do you even meet single people?

In general, I’m not good at meeting new people - I’m socially awkward and very shy.

I was being set up through a mutual friend, so I had some level of knowledge that he wasn’t ugly or a loser, and he had a good head on his shoulders - or so I would hope.

Dating wasn’t in my radar, and normally isn’t, so I was hesitant about this. As mentioned, this was my first date in almost three years, so I was a bit nervous - in the sense that I don’t know how to act in a new, unfamiliar social setting. Being out of the game for so long, I felt like going on a date would feel like an out of body experience.

How do I even find the time to date?

I run on a strict schedule: my weekdays consisting of work and working out, and my weekends consisting of fun and me time, so I was already discombobulated at the thought of a m*n cutting into any of my time.

When I gave my friend the green light to give my contact information - though heavily persuaded by friends - it felt like a big deal. I cannot emphasize enough how much I didn’t want to date, put myself out there, or go through any motions with a m*n, so this was a lot already.

Am I going on a date? 

He cut to the chase, set up our date, and picked a cute place - the kind of place that I’d go to with my friends - so, already off to a good start.

I was on my way in my cute outfit, I was feeling myself, a pretty girl complimented me, and then I quickly remembered that I was going to be sat with a m*n and it genuinely freaked me out. To make matters worse, as I was sitting on the train, I went to reapply my lip gloss and my lip gloss was nowhere to be found. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I wanted to cancel the entire night. But alas, I persevered. I got off the train and right in front of my eyes was our trusty Duane Reade to save the day - a quick Maybelline lip gloss purchase was exactly what I needed.

Do I know how to interact? 

I am cutely sat, the server complimented me, I was feeling like such a bad b*tch that I genuinely forgot I was sat with a m*n. I didn’t really pay any mind to him - no offense, but it’s like what are you doing here?

Admittedly, he did have to garner my attention; I was jittery, this was all new for me. All I wanted to do was take pictures of the establishment, the cute little drinks, and of myself. That’s what I know. Is it socially acceptable to whip out my phone and take a selfie mid-first date? I assume probably not (I didn’t, don’t worry, my phone was tucked away - I have decorum).

All I could think about was “this would be soooo fun with the girls”. After he quickly chugged his cosmopolitan (mind you, girly ass drink), he seemed less nervous and was able to get more of my attention.

I was sitting across from a stranger, who I wasn’t sure I could trust with information about myself. I am truly just very guarded and as much as I love myself, I hate talking about myself. Unless I feel safe enough to share parts of my life with someone, I won’t do it.

After a couple little drinkies, he actually wasn’t so bad to talk to and we ended up having similar interests. Vibes were not bad - dare I say - we ended up going to a second location to keep the good vibes going.

Given it was a school night, I didn’t want to be out too late. We ended the night with a little kissy kiss (EW) and he got me an uber home.

What did I learn from this experience?

At this point, my biggest fear came into fruition: I had a good first date. So, naturally, I was freaking out. Was the date good because of me? Naturally, yes. I automatically assume that I had a good time because I was there. For some reason, I cannot fathom that we, collectively (me and him), had a good time together. I wouldn’t spend my time with just anyone, so we can assume that we did, indeed, have a good time together.

The more I got to know him and the more dates we went on, the more freaked out I was. Why am I starting to like a m*n? Are we sure there’s nothing wrong with him? When are the icks going to come out? Mind you, I already was getting the ick, but these were icks that could, unfortunately, be overcome: ordering girly ass drinks and taking pics on a digi (men used to go to war). Was I trying to find icks to stop talking to him? Well, yes. I was quite shocked at how well we got along.

So this might come as a surprise to the both of us (you and me), that after a handful of dates, across a few months, he ghosted me. And that is where this story ends and we deeply did find the ick because in what world would ghosting me ever be the correct answer? The only correct answer is that he is dead. Is he? To me, yes. Is he actually? I cannot think of any other explanation for ghosting me.

So, thank you for the reminder that I do, indeed, hate men.

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3