Exposure therapy: socializing as a shy and awkward woman

What it’s like putting myself out there

Whether it’s imposter syndrome, doubt, or lack of confidence, I fear that one of these variants is attacking my full potential.

After I quit my corporate job, I’ve been forced to reflect and think.

I am in the deep end of the unknown, yet I feel like there’s something that I’ve been knowing. I feel like when I actually speak it into existence, there’s no turning back and that scares the sh*t out of me. I may admit it at the end of this piece, but who knows?

Finding community

Advice is perhaps one of the easiest things to give, but usually the hardest thing to take. I preach confidence and standing and speaking up for ourselves, so I’m sad to report that I haven’t been doing that for myself.

I feel blessed and grateful to have found a community in which I feel like I truly belong and feel seen: Ganda Girls Club. I am such an introvert that meeting people is very difficult for me: I’m shy, reserved, awkward, and the list could go on, but this is a safe space, where introverts thrive.

Even though I am shy and tend to be more of a listener than a speaker, I feel seen. When I joined the club, I was nervous that my shyness would come across negatively or that I wouldn’t be able to participate to my full potential.

With that being said, I recently won an award (Best Dressed 😝) at our gala and I could not be more grateful for this community. I was soooo shy to accept it because I don’t do well with spotlights. I wanted to hide and shrink, but this is where I need to take my own advice: to STAND UP.

At the gala, we discussed how we are enough as we are, which was a good reminder because that’s something that I need to remind myself of daily, especially while navigating my unknown. Joining this club has been tremendous exposure therapy for me in the best way possible. I made that initial step of joining this club, in hopes of creating connections and finding a community (and did).

With that being said, the exposure therapy continues!

Building confidence through community

With my recent dating series debut, No Sex in My City, I’ve been receiving amazing feedback and support (especially from the ganda girls 🥺). I’m super proud of myself for putting myself out there and receiving such positive responses. I truly appreciate everyone who’s been supporting and following my dating series.

Honestly, it is the most terrifying situation when people talk to me about it. I fully understand the ramifications of putting myself out there on the internet - it’s one thing to see the discourse online, but it’s another to have real life conversations.

It genuinely makes me panic (non-derogatory). How is that non-derogatory? I struggle with social settings, but I want to be better at it. I want to be able to converse with others in meaningful ways, without feeling like I’m selling myself short due to fear of speaking. I think the panic is helpful in a strange way because it’s truly allowing me to understand myself and in what ways I can be better at making conversation.

Others are recognizing my work and are connecting with it, connecting with me, and connection is a beautiful thing. If I don’t put myself out there, there won’t be a means for connection. My dating series has opened that realm for me to connect with others, in more ways than one - I am letting other people know that this is my experience, and I’m glad that it’s shared.

It also opens the door to allow me to talk more about my blog in general (I’ve yet to do that). I genuinely freak out anytime someone brings up my dating series because that’s stage twenty of me getting to know someone, but it’s happening at stage zero.

I don’t want this to stop anyone from talking to me about it, I truly do love knowing that it resonates with others. I am just still in my awkward phase of socializing, so it’s good for not only my confidence, but my socializing skills.

How this moves me forward

I know that I can’t allow imposter syndrome, doubt, or lack of confidence to attack me.

It brings me joy, knowing that I’m connecting with others through my writing, but it’s also scary knowing that I’m being seen by a larger audience. However, wasn’t that always the goal?

I’ve always known that I am destined for things that are larger than life. I know that this is just the start, and I’m so grateful to have had these conversations with others regarding my blog and I’m excited to have more!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for always supporting me. Here’s to always dreaming big!

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3