Girlhood: The Purest of Love, the Hardest of Heartbreak
The days following a hang out with the girls have me feeling giddy and like I can accomplish anything. It reminds me that life truly is worth living. The feeling of girlhood continues to go unmatched - it is the best type of drug.
It’s pure bliss, smiles, laughter, and comfort. There’s nothing like girlhood – where genuine, deep connections are formed and acceptance is at the forefront of each relationship. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing - we can be doing nothing together - it will always feed the soul.
What is girlhood?
My friendships are extremely important and something I truly hold dear to my heart.
Girlhood is about uplifting each other and being unapologetically ourselves. I love having a fun, silly time and that time is always with the girls! Each moment spent with them is quite literally the best moments of my life.
Whether we’re laughing, crying, being weird, or straight up nonverbal, it’s a stand still time that I wish has no end. We’re in a bubble of joy where all problems fade just because we’re together. We remain confident in who we are and love and accept each other for it. We are always pushing each other to be better women and supporting each other in whatever capacity needed.
One thing about me and my friends: we will pass the Bechdel test. I think that’s super important to note here because heading into territory where girls don’t pass it, and are in hindsight male-centered, is when things get messy.
What friendship looks like to me
This is why I am very particular about who I let into my life and who I choose to be friends with. Values need to align and there needs to be some sort of connection. At this moment in time, I love the close friends that I have.
I’m still looking to make new girlfriends in this new city - don’t get it twisted - but I think it’s important for me to reflect on the kinds of friends that I want in my life. Forming adult friendships is another topic of conversation that I definitely want to dive into, but for the sake of this piece, I want to reflect on past friendships.
As mentioned earlier, acceptance remains at the root of all of my friendships. I have a handful of close friends who I share deep relationships with, so it is important that I define what that means to me. Being that I am very secure and confident in who I am and validation remains internal, I want to surround myself with other like-minded individuals.
At my core, no matter how much I change, these traits and values exist within me. It’s just a matter if my friendships evolve with or apart from me. I’ve learned at an early age that friendships can break up, but being a young adult, it hurts deeper than I ever could’ve anticipated.
Navigating friendship breakups
As a collective, I think we are more prepared for romantic breakups because we’ve been conditioned to connect breakups or heartbreak with romantic relationships. However, with deep friendships - friendships that turn into family - breakups aren’t something we always think about or are prepared for.
I wish I could offer advice for how to navigate friendship breakups, but that’s just not possible because I’m still struggling with that now. Only time will tell and heal. It’s been a couple of years since my most recent friendship breakup and I still struggle with it to this day.
The only thing I know for certain is that friendships change, as do we. We already knew this, but I just have nothing left to share that we don’t already know.
We all know what happens after a breakup: so many emotions that tend to cycle. One day we can feel sad; the next day, angry or confused. It’s a neverending whirlwind of feelings that we just hope to come to terms with one day. If it’s not the random bursts of emotions, it’s the back-of-mind thoughts that come forward. I think that’s the hardest part for me: the thought of her.
The smallest things can make me think of her, like getting dolled up or seeing a cute photo opportunity in the city. There are times where I genuinely miss our friendship because we loved living life alongside one another - but it’s clear to me now that she is someone from my past who just didn’t grow with me.
How girlhood helps me move forward
I appreciate my friends an infinite amount. I admire every single one of them and have come to think of my friends as my family. It took time to get to this point and it continues to grow. Just like any relationship, it requires work, communication, and being there for each other.
Though I am no longer friends with someone who I considered a sister, I am at peace knowing that I stood by my values and was the best friend that I could be. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less, but it’s understanding that sometimes growing apart is what is best.
I think about where I am in my life right now and what my life would look like had I remained friends with her. Though the latter is hypothetical and not known for certain, I honestly don’t think I’d be where I am today had we remained friends. It’s not necessarily a good or bad thing, and it doesn’t have to be. It’s just a fact.
Growing is never easy, but it’s always a good moment for lessons and reflection. What I can say with full confidence is that I’m happy to be in a place where I fully trust myself and I know I’ll never stray from my values.
Conclusion
Breakups are never easy. I’ve experienced both romantic and friendship break ups, but I genuinely think friendship breakups hit harder. The tools to navigate a romantic breakup seem more readily available because it’s a much more common experience. But I’m here to say that friendship break ups are just as common, and maybe even harder.
Friends can become a chosen family and that’s why I run deep with my girls. I appreciate my girlfriends an everlasting amount, I cannot stress that enough. It’s such a deep love that cannot be compared. Though I still struggle post friendship break up, I’d like to think that this is truly what is best for the both of us.
xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3
